Build Resilience
Resilience is not about the challenges we face; it’s how we process those challenges.
In our culture, we’re often told that it’s the challenges we face in life that make us stronger, more resilient. It’s a bit of a tough love mentality; what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that. We see that as only part of the resilience equation. Yes, having experienced challenges can make us more resourceful and resilient, but that is most true when we are able to process those experiences, work through them successfully and recover from the stress or demands of challenging situations.
What happens when we don’t recover? Or when the demands and challenges are either too big or too fast for us to process them successfully, for us to manage? What happens for most of us is we try our hardest, we give it everything we’ve got, and then eventually we run out of time, energy, motivation, capacity or caring. Essentially, we burn out.
So, if it’s not the challenges themselves that make us stronger, what is it. It’s the ongoing cycle of recovery and even rejuvenation within and between challenges.
What do we mean by resilience, challenge, recovery and rejuvenation?
In simplest terms, resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. When we are resilient, we can weather the storms of challenge, stress and demand that show up in all of our lives. Being resilient doesn’t mean we can avoid those stressors, it means that even when we get knocked back, we don’t get knocked down.
The challenge or stressor is the mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. Demanding can mean a positive stressor like a stretch assignment at work, or levelling up your leadership in some way. Or demanding can mean a negative stressor like overwork or an unfriendly environment where we experience micro or macro aggressions on a regular basis. Either way, our bodies respond in a similar way. We rise to the challenge, at least at the beginning. Our endocrine and other physiological systems respond. Adrenaline and cortisol increase, our heart rates go up etc. We are physical beings, and we have a deep evolutionary physical response to stress. And that’s a good thing because it’s kept us safe and alive for centuries! We need to be able to respond.
The problem comes in when we live in prolonged or near constant states of stress or challenge without sufficient time in between to recover. Ever take a vacation only to find that within a couple of days you get sick? That’s what happens when we finally let go of our hyper-vigilant response to stressful situations. Our body systems can finally relax. That might be the beginning of recovery, but if you spend your week of vacation with a cold or flu and then head back to work just as you’re starting to feel better, you haven’t fully recovered or rejuvenated.
Recovery is a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. Some of us don’t even know what a “normal” state is anymore because we are so used to living with constant stress. If we go back to the vacation example, your first response to stepping away from the constant stress might be a full body crisis, like getting sick. But if you give it enough time, you recover from that cold or flu, and you continue to rest and rebuild, then you start to feel stronger, more like yourself. You are rebuilding to a “normal” state where your adrenal glands are not in a hyper state, your mind is quiet, your pace is more humane. That’s recovery and if we don’t ever get to this state, we don’t build resilience, we just get more and more exhausted.
The final piece of the resilience picture is rejuvenation. The dictionary definition of rejuvenation is the process of making someone or something look or feel better, younger, or more vital. We often use the analogy of getting an undisturbed 8 hours of sleep. Imagine how you would feel waking up! Sleep is a key way our bodies rejuvenate. Cells repair, our brain rewires, our liver cleans out toxins and the result is we wake up better than when we went to bed. Essentially, we wake up better, younger (at least in cellular terms!) and more vital, more energized. Maybe 8 hours of sleep is your rejuvenation strategy. Certainly, recent research would show that most adults are not getting enough sleep to stay healthy and resilient. But there are other ways to rejuvenate as well. Anything that gives you back energy is rejuvenating. Maybe that’s spending time in nature, time alone with your journal, time with good friends, dancing, yoga, walking, reading…what makes us feel vital, better and energized is different for each person. But we all need real rejuvenation in order to maintain our resilience, our ability to deal with whatever the next challenge or demand will be.
So how do we build our own resilience?
Take some time to reflect on what activities help you recover and rejuvenate. And don’t wait until your next vacation to start making time for them! How can you build more recovery time into your day to day? Even if it’s just a half hour. What rejuvenates you? How can you prioritize rejuvenating activities to ensure you are operating at your own personal best and most resilient state? Let the people in your life and work know that these activities are a priority, and let them know why. That may open a door to a great conversation about what they need to prioritize in order to thrive as well.
A note about prioritization. Saying yes to something often means saying no to something else. Saying no can feel unfamiliar or risky for some of us. Practice. Start saying no to some small things. Check in with yourself and ask – is this something that gives me energy or takes it? If it takes away energy, consider ways to say no, not today, not right now…building that muscle of setting boundaries is critical for our own resilience.
Think of resilience as an investment.
Sometimes it seems like taking the time to recover and rejuvenate is selfish or impossible to fit into the already full priority list. But think of it as an investment. For certain, more challenges, stressors and demands will come, they always do. Investing in your recovery and resilience are ways to ensure you have the capacity and inner resources to handle them well when they inevitably arrive. It’s setting yourself up for success.
Want to learn more? Here are some great resources.
Brené Brown “Unlocking Us” podcast with the authors of Burnout: The Secret to Completing the Stress Cycle
The book: Burnout: The Secret to Completing the Stress Cycle
The Three Secrets to Resilient People- Lucy Hone: Ted Talk
