Equality for the Holidays.

It’s the holiday season. Some people call it the magical season, but who makes the magic happen?  It’s not Santa or the elves who get the job done, it’s women who do the majority of holiday labour at home and at work. It’s primarily women who plan the parties, think through the gift giving, plan, shop and prep for meals, decorate, wrap, manage the calendar of events, and clean the house. And it’s exhausting. Now that women make up 47% of the workforce¹, when are women supposed to find the time to create a magical holiday for everyone?

We know that women carry out two and half times more unpaid and invisible household labour and care giving work than their male counterparts². The holidays amplify that demand, and many women come through the holidays tired and depleted. 

So how do we do holidays differently this year? Two things. Make the labour visible and divide it up equally.

Make it Visible

Here’s a family holiday tradition we started in our house last year. And I promise you it was the most relaxed holiday season I’ve ever had. It goes like this. You all sit down together, adults, kids, everyone, and make a master list of all the tasks that go into making a great holiday, whatever that means for your family. You can decide which traditions or activities are meaningful and if there are some that aren’t, do yourself a favour and just take them off the list. You can say no to some things. You don’t have to keep doing everything just because you did it in the past. 

Be detailed and specific when making your list. Don’t just say “make dinner”, include the planning, the shopping, the prep, the cooking, the clean-up etc. Each part of making that dinner is a job. This step is all about making the labour visible. The list will probably be huge, and there will be people in your household who had no idea.

Divide it Equally

Once you have your master list, then you divide the tasks up equally. Yes, equally. If there are 4 of you, divide it in 4. Go around and have each person choose a task they like best first, and continue until all the tasks are assigned. Every task needs to be done by someone, and sometimes people will end up with a task they don’t enjoy. So be it.

If you have young children, they can and should absolutely participate in this. There will be some tasks they can’t do alone. But helping your kids do something is still a task on your list. So, the adults and older kids in the house need to divide up those helping tasks equally, too. There’s no point in doing this if you’re still doing double or triple duty helping everyone else do their jobs. 

Expect Push Back

People may complain about this new arrangement. That’s fine. Change always brings with it some resistance. The key is not to cave and revert back to doing it all yourself. The beautiful thing that can happen is, others in your household will begin to take pride in their contributions. We all want to feel like we’re doing something meaningful and important, kids included. This is an opportunity for everyone to feel good about what they’re doing for the holiday.

Equality Begins at Home

By doing this as a family or household, everyone is learning exactly what it takes to put together a holiday season at your house. By taking on new tasks, they are also building the essential skill sets of household and care giving work. But more importantly, your household is learning what equality at home can look like. And that is a holiday gift indeed.