Putting Values to the Test at Work: Finding Your Bright Line

We hear a lot about values-based leadership, and leading with values is a core piece of the curriculum at the Women’s Leadership Intensive (WLI). But what does it actually look and feel like to make decisions based on our values? Making decisions based on values sounds great, but sometimes it’s not an easy decision, it’s not always black and white and there are potential risks and consequences.

Values as a Decision Filter

At WLI we talk a lot about using our values as a way to evaluate or filter our decisions. Sometimes the question is, “is this aligned with my values and mission or not?” and you get the bright line, yes or no answer. Other times, the question is really, “what would make it more aligned?” It’s not always an absolute.

This territory of making decisions based on values and mission can be scary because it matters. Stopping to ask ourselves about values alignment connects us to what we care about and why. And even when we do make decisions aligned with that core, self-doubt is a common rebound response. We say yes or no to something, or set a boundary, and then we get the hangover. Who am I to have this boundary? Am I asking too much? Am I being too rigid? Is this reasonable? 

I was listening to Glennon Doyle’s “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast last week (The Episode That Wasn’t, November 3, 2022) where they cancelled an interview on the spot because someone on the interviewee’s team treated their staff badly. And they talked about how it felt like a right and easy decision in the moment, but still needed to work through it afterwards.  

One of the discussion points was about how we often back-pedal or soft-pedal when a boundary gets set. That might look like minimizing the importance of it, “it wasn’t that bad” or “it’s fine” or it might look like that inner process of questioning ourselves and our worthiness or validity to make such a decision. One of the things that stood out to me was that the team’s ability to discuss and process the experience together kept everyone strong and aligned. Left on our own, these things are harder. Another reason why we always say the leadership work we’re doing at WLI is best done in community. It is so important and helpful to have each other to help us reflect, process and learn from what we’re experiencing.

In a recent conversation with Alyssa Burkus, writer, entrepreneur, and coach, we explored an example of using values and mission or purpose as a decision filter at work. I asked Alyssa to describe a recent decision that she made to turn down a potential business opportunity because it didn’t fully align with her values and mission. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about how frustrated I get seeing time and time again the proliferation of white male only book lists, and how that turns into an ongoing focus—every time I turn around on Twitter there’s someone saying, “you don’t need to read any other books than these ten” and they are more often than not primarily white male authors. It becomes circular, with a continued focus on the same narrow group of thought leaders.

It's important to me in all the different projects I’ve done since starting my business to work with people who are change makers; who have felt like their work has been on the edges and who haven’t been heard yet. By and large, when we look to the experts, they’ve looked the same way for a long time. So, it’s important to me to help people who haven’t been heard, help them find different and new ways to use their voice in ways that are true to who they are, and amplify their voice through various means, in my case through writing.

I was in a conversation and was offered an opportunity to be introduced to a potential new client who was looking for a book ghostwriter. I currently have an opening because I’m looking for my next ghostwriting project. I’m new at book writing, so these opportunities don’t just hang on trees for me to pick. 

So, the question was how to reconcile my frustration with white male only book lists with this opportunity in front of me. And this question doesn’t come up in all my work, but the book writing process is lengthy, it’s intimate and ultimately, it’s important to me to change that top ten list dynamic. In the moment, I needed to make a call.”

Alyssa continued, “it felt really quick in the moment. I don’t have a written policy or clarity on my book writing parameters because I’m only just starting to do this work. But I was flooded with this feeling that this needs to be a bright line for me. If not here, then how can I imagine pretending I make a difference with those top ten lists where the results actually show up? How can I comment on who’s missing from those lists if I’m not also contributing and supporting the creation of new and interesting material from a broader range of voices. I needed to connect those things, the change I want to see, with my own actions and contributions.”

The Decision Rebound is Real

Even with that clarity in the moment Alyssa reinforces that she still hesitated because there’s that old voice asking, “if I say no to this will there ever be another opportunity?” She talked about the need to trust that saying no to this would create space for other opportunities that are more aligned. And that trust is a key part of making values-based decisions. There will always be a risk associated with it. The risk could be loss of work, the social risk of others not understanding or validating your decisions, and the self-questioning that goes along with all of that.

Alyssa shares that experience. “I had that in the moment too. Ten years ago, I would not have had the confidence to have that boundary. I know I didn’t because there were poor choices I made around my work, my availability to my kids, my health; I didn’t have those boundaries.”

Bright Line Moments

Sometimes the decision feels so clear. It’s what Alyssa describes as a bright line moment. “It’s when the line just becomes clear, almost like there is only one choice possible. And I generally struggle with decision making! I waffle, I need lots of time to think about things. The “head” decision, which I normally go with, was being overridden by this feeling in my body.

I don’t think we can underestimate that feeling in our guts or our bodies that is telling us we need to pay attention to something. I’m not discounting the value of thinking things through, but there is also value in the other ways of knowing, and sometimes our bodies give us important clues about what really matters to us.

It’s often framed as choosing to be values driven means all of your work needs this massively bright line, and it gets heavy, it doesn’t have to be that way. What I learned is there are certain projects where it’s a bright bright line, like book writing for me, but it’s less of a bright line in other places. And I’m not saying you’re compromising or corrupting your values, but there’s some tuning up or down that we do. In certain parts of our work there may be broader criteria, but then there are other parts that are protected space, we have a bright line around it, and we know it in our gut.” 

Not everything needs to live inside that bright line, some things might be an experiment or an exploration.  As Alyssa says, “The experiment part is how you test those values in the wild. It’s easy to say them or write them down, but testing them to see who it actually works helps us truly define. And this doesn’t mean the other work is less true, it just means those experiments broaden the range, and we learn what works for us and what doesn’t, and how it all aligns or doesn’t.”

Reflection is a Key Tool

A key tool for this is reflection. When we’re operating within the bright line, and especially when we’re less sure where that line is, we’re exploring, and there’s a lot to learn if we ask ourselves the questions. What’s it like out here doing this? How does it feel? How aligned does it feel? What doesn’t feel aligned? What would make it more aligned? What would I do differently next time? What bright lines are showing up for me?

What I found so helpful about this example and conversation with Alyssa was that it became clear that making decisions using values and mission is an important way to feel aligned in our work and lives, and that it isn’t about being rigid or perfect, it’s about being present.